Norm's Monologue - October 23rd, 1999

Norm: Ah, thank you very much. Ah, you’re very kind. You know when the ah-

Audience Member: Norm!

Norm: What’s that?

Audience Member: Norm!

Norm: Well yeah, no… No, you’re absolutely right, that is my name.

You know, when the people- when the people here asked me to do the show, you know, I've got to say, I felt kind of weird. You know? I- I don't know if you remember this, but, ah, I used to actually be on this show. You know? Ah, I used to do the, ah "Weekend Update" news routine, you remember that? And ah- yeah, that's where I did the make-believe news jokes. You know? That was me. Right?

So then, a year and a half ago, right, I had, ah, sort of a- a disagreement with the management at, ah, at the NBC. Ah, I wanted to keep my job. Right? And they felt the exact opposite. So- so you see, they like, ah, they fired me because they said that I wasn't funny. You know? Now- now, with most jobs, I coulda had a hell of a lawsuit on my hands for that, but- but see, this is a comedy show. So, they got me. You know…

But, now, this is the weird part, right, it's only a year and a half later, and now, they ask me to host the show. So I wondered, I go, “Hey, wait a second here, heyyyyyyyy!” I go, “How did I go, in a year and a half, from being not funny enough, to be even allowed in the building, to being so funny that I'm now hosting the show? How did I suddenly get so goddamn funny?!”

It was inexplicable to me, because, a year and a half, let's face it, is not enough time for a dude to learn how to be funny! Then it occurred to me, I haven't gotten funnier, the show has gotten really bad! So, yeah, I'm funny compared to, you know, what you'll see later. But…

Okay, so let's recap. The bad news is: I'm still not funny. The good news is: The show blows!

Alright, folks, we've got a bad show for you tonight! Dr. Dre, Snoop Doggie Dogg and Eminem are here. We'll be right back!

Transcribed by: steve
Provided by: jobe