Episode 2: Insider Report
FEBRUARY 5, 1999 -- BY RICHARD HOFFMAN

"Norm Dates a Client"

I had the opportunity to go to the taping of the second episode of "The Norm Show," and thought you may want to know what's up -- be afraid, however -- this contains SPOILERS.

We showed up, did the free parking thing, got carted to the studio, were forced to put up with an actor/comedian/circus performer for a little bit...but enough about my trip -- you want to read about the show:

Mr. Curtis (the boss) walks in at the beginning and describes everyone in the office (for the sake of those who unforgivably missed the pilot), even regrettably introducing Norm to some staff members. The audience is shown that Laurie gets stuck with a patient who REALLY stinks...like, she calls on the phone from another room to talk to him the first time...

Norm, on the other hand, is waiting for his pathologically shy patient and decides to take an early lunch, only to be stopped at the door by his patient, who (of course) talks very quietly. Norm offers to take him to lunch, but not before embarrassing him in front of the office [To the office] "Could everybody please be quiet? This guy's incredibly shy and I can't hear a damn word he's saying."

The next scene takes place in the bar with Norm and the shy guy. Norm tries hooking the guy up with a girl, but she takes an interest in Norm instead, so Norm forgets the guy for awhile. This is where Norm starts dating the girl (Diane).

Norm tells Danny about Diane, Laurie finds out her client is afraid of water. Norm finds out that Diane is a client of Laurie's (DIANE: "You didn't tell me you were a social worker." NORM: "You didn't tell me you were in need of state help.") Since social workers can't date clients, Norm is in trouble, but Laurie doesn't know about it, so Norm is ok so far...

Norm and Diane end up in the conference room together...Norm tries to break it off, since if they get caught dating each other, Norm will get fired and go to jail. Diane then gets turned on because she's "never done anything this dangerous before" and they end up having sex...

Mr. Curtis comes in and informs everyone that the cleaning crew found, uh, evidence, so the hunt is on...Diane comes in as Curtis leaves and Norm is REALLY nervous. Laurie invites Norm to sit in on the session with Diane...which makes for awkward conversation...Laurie ends up finding out...Diane storms out...

Meanwhile, Danny takes the stinky guy to the YMCA and proceeds to burn him with water...funny scene...

Back in Norm's apartment, Laurie is telling Diane's story, how she suffers from an Olive Oyl-complex, where she dates guys to get her boyfriend jealous, then calls him and invites him over, where the boyfriend promptly beats the snot out of him (in this case Norm.) Norm's response to the Popeye syndrome? "I love that guy that always wants a hamburger. What's his name again?"...Diane comes over, Laurie leaves. Diane apologizes for the fight and Norm tells Diane what Laurie said. To "prove that isn't true," Diane calls her "ex-boyfriend"...leading to her telling him Norm's address. Norm takes off...

The last scene shows Norm dejectedly telling Danny what the boyfriend did to his apartment, and Laurie just "hopes he learned something". Norm says, "Yeah, I'm not going to have sex with clients anymore. I'm not even gonna listen to their stupid problems anymore." Just before the credits roll, the audience is shown a picture of the shy guy and Diane in the bar, and she's at it again...

The only bad part about the night was the taping went an hour over schedule*, which made even the comedian funny after awhile...we didn't get back home until almost one, but it was totally worth it. I recommend calling up Audiences Unlimited and going to a taping FOR FREE. Just make sure you eat before you go in.

* ADDED 2/14: The reason for the long TV taping is this: there were times where they wouldn't be taping for like ten minutes at a time, probably doing re-writes and stuff. Also, Norm is HILARIOUS, but he just can't act. He'll even tell you that himself, I believe. I remember during the first scene of the episode, they did one take, then went back to "take it from the top." Norm was supposed to be sitting in a chair in the foreground, then stand up and say a line later on in the scene. However, as soon as the director said "action," Norm walked in from the back saying, "Oh, I suppose I should be in this chair now..." It was GREAT. It reminded me of a night at SNL ("I think I'll use THIS camera over here...(camera angle changes)...Now, you should probably move the cue cards over here, too.)

Also, I forgot to tell you before: at one point in the night, Norm came up to the audience, wanting to tell a joke. Here it was: There were these two midgets and they, like, went to Las Vegas to go find some prostitutes, since, y'know, midgets don't, uh, get any very much. So they find these two prostitutes and take them to a hotel and get ajoining rooms. Well, one midget worked the prostitute for a couple hours, but was getting mad, 'cuz, like, from the other room he kept hearing "One, Two, Three, HEYA,...One, Two, Three, HEYA...One, Two, Three, HEYA." He just wasn't, uh, performing the way he wanted to, so he sent the prostitute away. He couldn't sleep, though, since he kept hearing "One, Two, Three, HEYA,...One, Two, Three, HEYA...One, Two, Three, HEYA." Finally, the morning came and the other midget came in the room and asked, "Well--how was it?". The midget who had been hearing all the noise grumbled, "Not too good...I just couldn't perform last night...but I heard YOU...you must've had a great time." His friend replied, "What, are you kidding? I was trying to get up on the bed all night long!"