List of Characters:
Norm MacDonald - Burt Reynolds
Darrell Hammond - Phil Donahue
Martin Short (Host) - Jerry Lewis
Will Ferrell - Alex Trebek

Added to site: May 30, 2002.

Celebrity Jeopardy - December 7th, 1996

Voice Over: From the Sony Pictures Studios, this is Celebrity Jeopardy! And now here's the host of Jeopardy, Alex Trebek!

Alex Trebek: Thank you, Johnny. Welcome to Celebrity Jeopardy. We've got three wonderful celebrities playing for charity. Let's meet them. Sean Connery-

Sean Connery: Hello, Alex.

Trebek: Burt Reynolds-

Burt Reynolds: How ya doing?

Trebek: And finally, comedy legend, Jerry Lewis.

Jerry Lewis: May I tell you what a joy it is and all the stuff it is to be here. It's super duper. (laughs)

Trebek: Good luck to all three of you.

Lewis: Yeah, we're gonna need it. (laughs)

Trebek: What do you say we take a look at our board. The categories are… 'Celebrities', 'Potpourri' , 'Popular Music' , 'Movies' , 'Potent Potables' , 'US History' and '”S” words'. Which are words that begin with the letter "S". Mr. Connery, it's your turn.

Connery: Ah, I'll take Movies for $400.

Trebek: The answer is: John Travolta learned how to dance for this 1977 hit movie.

Connery rings in

Trebek: Mr. Connery.

Connery: That would be Jaws.

Trebek: No. Jaws is incorrect. And please answer in the form of a question.

Reynolds rings in

Trebek: Burt Reynolds.

Reynolds: What is Jaws?

Trebek: No. That was already guessed.

Jerry Lewis rings in

Trebek: Mr. Lewis.

Lewis: If I remember correctly, Alex, that would Dancing for LADIES ayyy! I had to go for it.

Trebek: No. That was incorrect also. "What is Saturday Night Fever?". Heads up players. Sean Connery, it's still your board.

Connery: Ah, I'll take Swords for $400.

Trebek: It’s, actually, not Swords, sir. These are words that begin with "S". The answer is: Popeye is this sort of man.

Reynolds rings in

Trebek: Burt Reynolds.

Reynolds: What is… Popeye?

Trebek: No.

Connery rings in

Trebek: Sean Connery, and remember, these are words that begin with the letter "S", not swords.

Connery: Saber.

Trebek: No.

Connery: It began with a bloody "S"!

Jerry Lewis rings in multiple times, laughing

Trebek: Mr. Lewis.

Lewis: I got the answer, Alex. You want the answers, it's simple. They're terrified of a perfectionist, they being the people who are running the studios this week. - time buzzer rings.

Trebek: I'm sorry, Mr. Lewis, time's up. "What is Sailor?" was the correct response. Tough start for everyone. All three celebrities are 800 dollars down.

Connery: The hell if I'm going to pay you a bloody 800 dollars!

Trebek: Please rest assured, Mr. Connery, this is for charity, it's not your own money. And it is still your board.

Connery: Ay, I'll take movies for $200.

Trebek: This racing movie, with Dom DeLuise, told us that, yes, cannonballs can run.

[contestants just look around blankly]

Trebek: Cannonballs can run. Burt, you might want to guess this.

Reynolds rings in

Trebek: Burt Reynolds.

Reynolds: Hell, I dunno, uh, Shakespeare.

Trebek: No.

Connery rings in

Trebek: Sean Connery.

Connery: I'll not pay this fine I've incurred, it's unjust!

Trebek: You don't have to pay the-

Jerry Lewis rings in

Trebek: Jerry Lewis.

Lewis: Cannonballenmaven…

Trebek: Wait, wait, it sounds like you've might have the right answer… did you say cannon?

Lewis: Cannon.

Trebek: Now, say ball.

Lewis: Ball.

Trebek: Now put them together.

Lewis: Cannonballenmavenaaaiihiiyaa!

Trebek: Okay, let's just move on. Burt, can you please pick a category.

Connery: Pick Swords.

Reynolds: Yeah, sure, gimme Swords.

Trebek: It's “S” Words. It's “S” Words. And for how much, Mr. Reynolds?

Reynolds: Ah, hell, let's go nuts, Swords for $48,000.

Trebek: We're not doing Swords. You know, why don't we move on to Final Jeopardy. The category is, ‘Bodies of Water’. This body of water gave Salt Lake City its name.

"Jeopardy Theme" begins playing

[Sean Connery and Burt Reynolds both write their answers. The camera pans over to Jerry Lewis's podium, and we see he's disappeared.]

"Jeopardy Theme" ends

Trebek: And time is up. This body of water gave Salt Lake City its name. Sean Connery, you wrote… Swords. And you wagered what appears to be a roman numeral seven.

Connery: That's an M.

Trebek: That it is, sir. Burt Reynolds, you put down… my name. That's nice. And you wagered "is a f-" okay, obviously, that's some sort of swearword.

Trebek: Jerry Lewis… has wandered off somewhere. Let's see if he had anything. Apparently his answer was… the outline of half of his hand. And he wagered, the other half of his hand. That's beautiful. Well, I'd like to thank all of our celebrities for joining us this evening-

[Jerry Lewis runs back in with a wine class in his hand]

Lewis: I'm sorry I'm late, I was in the little boy's room. [runs into Trebek and spills wine on his suit] Oh, I didn't need to do that.

Trebek: Celebrities, for joining us, unfortunately because of your scores, money will be taken away from your charities [Jerry Lewis sticks the wine glass in his mouth] that's very funny, Jerry, very funny. Join us tomorrow when we return with more Jeopardy. No, I see it. I see.

[Jerry Lewis climbs over the audience attempting to reach the cameraman]

Lewis: Hey, come back. Come over here lady. I gotta talk to you Mr. Cameraman. Come to me!

Transcribed by: Dave
Provided by: jobe