Just For Laughs, Comedy Festival

EDITOR'S NOTE: These are two clips taken from two separate performances during the Just For Laughs comedy festival in Montreal, Canada. The first clip, found off Kazaa, was recorded in 1991 and is classic Norm comedy. Pretty much the same bits you've heard from the One Night Stand performance. But it's the second clip that's the most interesting. It's, again, pretty much the same routine, but Norm sounds completely different. And to top it all off, I'm told that this was recorded in 1992. Or at least, that is what the liner notes of the "Revenge of Just For Laughs CD" says, that was graciously provided to me by Dean Cherry.

I emailed former editor Noel Gross to ask an expert and make sure it was really Norm, and Noel’s comment was, "It's Norm. Terrible recording. Norm's sluggish cadence is equal parts schtick and lifestyle. In this clip, he's playing it straight ... he did it on SNL also."

Just For Laughs - 1991

My Doctor tried to scare me out of smoking. My doc, he showed me a picture of a smoker's lung. Oh, it was gross and disgusting! Then he showed me a picture of a, ah, healthy guy's lung. Oh, it was gross and disgusting! That's why they put them on the inside. You don't have to look at them all the time. You know?

I thought I'd be in better shape when I quit smoking, but nothing's really changed, you know, except I can taste my food.

That's one thing. All my food now has this incredible taste. Oh, man. Everything I eat I go, "Hey. What kind of food is that you're giving me? Oh, that's zingy, tangy food there, isn't it? What kind of a tangy, zingy kind of a ?? it's a boiled potato, huh? Remind me to get the recipe off you for that. I have to ah… A boiled potato, you say?"

So I've got to get in shape. That's my next big thing now. You know, I'm I'm not in good shape. You know, I, ah- When I was younger, that's when I was in good shape. I was in my peak physical condition back when I was .... one.

That's when I looked good, one. Oh, man. You wouldn't know me now if you saw me back when I was one. Young and fresh. Man. I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, "What? Are you zero?"

I'd go, "No. I'm one over here!"

They'd go, "Man, you don't look a day past zero. I'm not kidding you there."

Well, I'm trying to be a better person. I'm working on that. You know, I'm doing the best I can here. I gave some money to a homeless guy up the street today. And ah, he had a dog with him. You ever see that? A homeless guy and he owns a dog. Isn't that odd? The guy doesn't have a home, but he's got a dog. And the dog's really thrilled about the whole idea, you know. The dog is going, "Hey, pal, I can do this by myself pretty well, you know." It's like the longest walk in the world to the dog. You know, that's all that is.

Man. There's crazy guys everywhere. I was reading about this guy in the paper. Get this, folks. The guy I was reading about, he killed his whole family because the devil told him to. Do you believe that? What a dork, huh?

That was the headline in the paper. It said, "What a Dork!"

Imagine, eh? You kill your whole family just because the devil tells you. Then afterwards you go back and you go, "Yes, Devil. I did as you instructed. I killed my family, slaughtered them as they were sleeping, then I chopped them up and put them in a duffle bag. Here they are in a duffle bag. I'll be burying them tonight in the shallow grave by the side of the railroad track as you have commanded, oh, Lord, host of the hoary neverworld."

You know, then the devil pulls off the mask, "It's me, Bob!"

You go, "Oh, Bob! Jeeze, You got me, Bob. You got me here. Is my face red or what here? I got my family in a duffle bag over here. Well, that's one for you there, Bobby. I-"

Well, I've got to go, folks. Remember my motto. Laughter is the best medicine, you know, and ah- unless you're a diabetic, and then… insulin is usually much- works better. Thanks a lot, folks. Take care of yourselves.

Just For Laughs - 1992

Ah, this is a big day for me. I quit smoking today. So I'm pretty proud of that. I ah- [applause]

Ah, my doctor talked me into it. You know, I went to my doctor, he showed me a picture of a smoker's lung. And it was really gross and disgusting. Then he showed me this picture of this healthy guy's lung. And it was really gross and disgusting too. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's just lungs. That's why they put them in the inside. You don't have to look at them all the time. You know?

And I wanna know where they got the picture of this healthy guy's lung. You know you… You gotta figure he's not that healthy anymore. You know?

But I tried every gimmick to quit smoking. I- I took acupuncture. An old Chinese man stuck a needle in my ear. Every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. … Which was pretty embarrassing. Especially right after sex.

You find it pretty hard to get that second date.

The second audio clip was provided by Dean Cherry of LiveDrew.Com
Both clips transcribed by steve