MTV Spring Break '98
MARCH 1998 (MTV)
Norm's tips for partiers in Panama City Beach, Florida...


Spring break falls right in the middle of the college semester. So, even though you're on vacation you should try to do some studying. Like these scholarly, young gentlemen over here. [Group of guys cat-call as buxom beauties stroll by.] Luckily for them, they're all majoring in women's breasts and asses.


Just because there's alot of partying going on, doesn't mean you should have sex with anyone. Unless you intend to marry them -- or, never see them again.


While you're away on spring break, you'll be meeting lots of new, exciting people. Nonetheless, people are strangers. So, be sure to give them a fake name. Or as I like to call it: an alias. Watch this. [Norm, with volleyball in hand, talks to three bikini-clad babes.] Hello, girls! I'm Busta Rhymes. You wanna play some volleyball? [Girls act completely disinterested.] What's the matter? You don't want to play volleyball with Busta Rhymes?! What the hell's a matter with ya?! Well, I guess he's not as popular with the ladies as I thought -- that Busta Rhymes fella.

Strip Clubs

Here at Panama City Beach, strip clubs are very popular. But, you know, who can afford to give away dollar bills all night long? That's why I always bring this with me: a giant bag of pennies! So, while J.P. Moneybags is sitting next to you throwing away dollar after dollar, you're making strippers earn their money. You just get six bucks in pennies, and you're set for the entire week! It's great!

Wet T-Shirt Contests

NORM: I'm here with Shannon, a spring breaker with a problem.

COED: Norm, with all the different wet T-shirt contests here at spring break, I just don't know which one to enter.

NORM: Well, you've come to the right guy. You know, I actually used to coach a wet T-shirt team years ago. Now, first of all, water is our most precious natural resource. So, only enter contests that wet your T-shirt with beer. Now, secondly, only enter wet T-shirt contests where they provide the T-shirt. I mean, you don't want your own T-shirt, people getting water and beer all over it, do you?


NORM: No. And, finally, you'll notice at the end of the contest some of the girls will try to curry favor with the judges. What they'll do is, they'll remove their wet T-shirt and then fling it into the audience. Now that may seem like a good idea, but it isn't. And I'll tell you why -- because, removing your shirt is an automatic half-point deduction. So, remember, it's a wet T-shirt contest. So keep your T-shirt on and wet!!

COED: Thanks, Norm!


The residents at Panama City Beach are extremely friendly. In fact, there's nothing more than they like than sharing their town with 60,000 college kids for a month every spring. So, if you see a group of locals, be sure to thank them for their hospitality. That way, later that night, they'll feel better when they look out their window and see you dry humping on their front lawn.

Transcribed from "Top 10 Spring Break Performances" on MTV.
Tapped in March 1998 at Panama City Beach, FL.