The O'Reilly Factor
OCTOBER 28, 2003 (FOX NEWS)
The O'Reilly Factor
Bill O'Reilly: Norm Macdonald- his new program “A Minute with Stan Hooper” debuts on FOX tomorrow at 8:30. Up against the Factor man-
Norm: Yeah. I know I know I know.
Bill: It's a tough timeslot. So, we want them to tape "Stan Hooper" and watch the Factor.
Norm: I was gonna mention earlier cause I know this is a “No Spin Zone”-
Bill: You bet.
Norm: And uh, the Kozlowski [the CEO of Tyco] thing, I saw a little bit of spinning. A little bit, little bit.
Norm: And I'd like to say I was also a shareholder of Tyco. And uh, I did get invited to the party in Sardinia.
Bill: You did?
Norm: Yeah, and you didn't miss anything. That guy with the wings made a clumsy pass at me over by ice sculpture.
Bill: I thought you might've been a sculpture there for a minute.
Norm: What the-?
Bill: Oh, I don’t know. Now you were at "Saturday Night Live."
Norm: Yes sir.
Bill: It was a good gig for you, Weekend Update and all that stuff.
Norm: Yeah yeah.
Bill: Then you did the- “The Norm Show.”
Norm: Yes sir.
Bill: I never got to see “The Norm Show.”
Norm: I never watched it either.
Bill: No, no one did! And it was gone.
Norm: It was gone!
Norm: You know what an interesting this is- that uh, even if uh- even if no one watches a show...
Norm: It still gets ratings, like a million people watch the show because, uhhh, people just don't turn their TVs off.
Bill: Is that right?
Bill: So, if there's nobody in the room. It still clicks in.
Bill: I guess that's what's happening at CNN, I don't know. But anyway, the uhhh- this show, how do you get two shots? Because most people don't get any shots. You know how many comedians there are out there in LA.
Norm: Oh yeah yeah.
Bill: Trying to troll to get a show
Norm: Oh yeah, yeah.
Bill: And this is- this is another show starring you, how'd you do it?
Norm: I just uh- I think, uh, pure raw... talent.
Bill: Yeah, they just saw it in you, huh?
Norm: Yeah uh there's no uhh- there's no- there’s no substitute for that.
Bill: They had to have you.
Bill: FOX demanded Norm Macdonald.
Bill: Get him! Get him! How much control you have over this vehicle? Romano controls his show.
Norm: Uhhhh Romano?
Bill: Ray Romano.
Norm: Oh, Ray Romano- of course.
Bill: You know him.
Norm: I know him.
Bill: Not as talented as you but... he's coming on.
Norm: He's coming on.
Bill: How much control you got over this show?
Norm: Well ahhh, I got a lot of control over it. I uh- I don't rehearse so I write all week.
Bill: You write?
Bill: You write the show? How many other writers are with you?
Norm: Uhhh five, and they're a crack staff.
Bill: Alright so the show is gonna have an edge because your- that's what kinda stuff you do.
Norm: No, it's not gonna have an edge.
Bill: No, it's gonna be a bland kinda "Ozzy and Harriet" rip-off?
Norm: No sir, it's gonna be a uhhh "Green Acres" rip-off.
Bill: [laughs] I can just see you in overalls.
Bill: Um, you play a uh- a commentator on television.
Norm: I play a commentator-
Bill: I hate those guys.
Norm: Yeah yeah yeah I don't care for them either. I play a uh, guy that works in New York you understand? And he does his minute every week a uhh- virtue a uhh-
Bill: Like Andy Rooney.
Norm: Not Andy Rooney- he's not a humorist. He- he extols the virtues of small town life. Like Mr. Charles Osgood.
[Screen shows a picture of Charles Osgood for a few seconds]
Norm: And uh but he's very disconnected. He ya' know he goes to parties at William Pailey's house.
Bill: You look a little like Osgood. There's a, you know? Run that picture back. Can you put it next to Norm's face? [They put the picture back up. It doesn’t look like Norm at all.] Yeah, I can- that's you in uh, eitght years. After you work for FOX, that's how you're gonna age. Okay? Believe me. I've been here seven years.
Norm: I don't look like that. I'm trying to look like that for sheer-
Bill: So you move to a small town in Wisconsin. Right?
Norm: Yes sir.
Bill: Okay so that's gonna be funny I'm gonna be uhh, amused by that?
Norm: I'm not gonna spin you. No, you're not gonna care for it at all.
Bill: [laughs] Alright now you hit it big and then you get the residuals and all of that. The “Simpsons” money comes rolling in. You don't hit it big you care?
Norm: Ummm, well first of all, uhhh, I believe the uhh- the actors in the “Simpsons”- I don't think Bart got one penny of that.
Bill: No- but the guy who did his voice did.
Norm: Oh oh oh oh. I’m sorry. Yeah, I get a lot of money after that.
Bill: Do you?
Norm: But, I'm not in it for the money.
Bill: What are you in it for?
Norm: The money. I am in it for the money.
Bill: Yeah, I know you are.
Norm: I was gonna spin... and then I-
Bill: Yeah, no, you can't. This is the “No Spin Zone”.
Norm: I know! I keep forgetting!
Bill: You can use that in Stan Hooper if you want?
Norm: The no spin?
Bill: Yeah, you can use that kind of stuff and I won’t demand any money for it.
Norm: Okay, cool.
Bill: Ummm, Saturday Night Live uhh, do you watch anymore?
Norm: Yes sir I do.
Bill: You do? Is it as good now when you were there?
Bill: Because you're not there.
Norm: Basically, because I'm not there.
Bill: Right. But you do watch it?
Norm: Yeah- I watch it. I love Saturday Night Live.
Bill: Because, I lost, kinda, contact with it. I think it's maybe a generational thing.
Norm: It is a generational thing. I'm- I’m 61 years ol- young. I say 61 years- I say 61 years experienced. And uhh- and when I watch the show and I don't even know what they're doing uhh parodies of cause they're doing parodies of like of MTV shows that-
Bill: Yeah, I mean, they're- they’re: Jewel. They're making fun of and I have no idea.
Bill: So I'm sitting here... Um, when you do this FOX show ummm, if it is successful, are you gonna change?
Norm: Am I gonna change?
Bill: Yeah. Are you gonna be the same guy you are now? The humble guy-
Norm: I'm gonna be the same dirty, son-of-a-bitch as I am now!
Bill: Right. Thank you this is live tonight. We appreciate that.
Norm: Well that's not- that's not swearing.
Bill: Oh no, of course not. No, that's just Fox.
Norm: I think that's the- That’s part of the-
Bill: That's Fox.
Norm: That's Fox!
Bill: We're gonna see that on Stan Hooper aren't we?
Norm: No we're not gonna use such language.
Bill: All right, Norm Macdonald good luck with the show...
Audio and transcription provided by Bob Barron. Many thanks to him for that.