The O'Reilly Factor
OCTOBER 28, 2003 (FOX NEWS)

The O'Reilly Factor

Bill O'Reilly: Norm Macdonald- his new program “A Minute with Stan Hooper” debuts on FOX tomorrow at 8:30. Up against the Factor man-

Norm: Yeah. I know I know I know.

Bill: It's a tough timeslot. So, we want them to tape "Stan Hooper" and watch the Factor.

Norm: I was gonna mention earlier cause I know this is a “No Spin Zone”-

Bill: You bet.

Norm: And uh, the Kozlowski [the CEO of Tyco] thing, I saw a little bit of spinning. A little bit, little bit.

Bill: Yeah.

Norm: And I'd like to say I was also a shareholder of Tyco. And uh, I did get invited to the party in Sardinia.

Bill: You did?

Norm: Yeah, and you didn't miss anything. That guy with the wings made a clumsy pass at me over by ice sculpture.

Bill: I thought you might've been a sculpture there for a minute.

Norm: What the-?

Bill: Oh, I don’t know. Now you were at "Saturday Night Live."

Norm: Yes sir.

Bill: It was a good gig for you, Weekend Update and all that stuff.

Norm: Yeah yeah.

Bill: Then you did the- “The Norm Show.”

Norm: Yes sir.

Bill: I never got to see “The Norm Show.”

Norm: I never watched it either.

Bill: No, no one did! And it was gone.

Norm: It was gone!

Bill: Um-

Norm: You know what an interesting this is- that uh, even if uh- even if no one watches a show...

Bill: Right.

Norm: It still gets ratings, like a million people watch the show because, uhhh, people just don't turn their TVs off.

Bill: Is that right?

Norm: Yeah

Bill: So, if there's nobody in the room. It still clicks in.

Norm: Yeah.

Bill: I guess that's what's happening at CNN, I don't know. But anyway, the uhhh- this show, how do you get two shots? Because most people don't get any shots. You know how many comedians there are out there in LA.

Norm: Oh yeah yeah.

Bill: Trying to troll to get a show

Norm: Oh yeah, yeah.

Bill: And this is- this is another show starring you, how'd you do it?

Norm: I just uh- I think, uh, pure raw... talent.

Bill: Yeah, they just saw it in you, huh?

Norm: Yeah uh there's no uhh- there's no- there’s no substitute for that.

Bill: They had to have you.

Norm: Yeah!

Bill: FOX demanded Norm Macdonald.

Norm: Exactly!

Bill: Get him! Get him! How much control you have over this vehicle? Romano controls his show.

Norm: Uhhhh Romano?

Bill: Ray Romano.

Norm: Oh, Ray Romano- of course.

Bill: You know him.

Norm: I know him.

Bill: Not as talented as you but... he's coming on.

Norm: He's coming on.

Bill: How much control you got over this show?

Norm: Well ahhh, I got a lot of control over it. I uh- I don't rehearse so I write all week.

Bill: You write?

Norm: Yeah.

Bill: You write the show? How many other writers are with you?

Norm: Uhhh five, and they're a crack staff.

Bill: Alright so the show is gonna have an edge because your- that's what kinda stuff you do.

Norm: No, it's not gonna have an edge.

Bill: No, it's gonna be a bland kinda "Ozzy and Harriet" rip-off?

Norm: No sir, it's gonna be a uhhh "Green Acres" rip-off.

Bill: [laughs] I can just see you in overalls.

Norm: Yeah.

Bill: Um, you play a uh- a commentator on television.

Norm: I play a commentator-  

Bill: I hate those guys.

Norm: Yeah yeah yeah I don't care for them either. I play a uh, guy that works in New York you understand? And he does his minute every week a uhh- virtue a uhh-

Bill: Like Andy Rooney.

Norm: Not Andy Rooney- he's not a humorist. He- he extols the virtues of small town life. Like Mr. Charles Osgood.

Bill: Oh.

[Screen shows a picture of Charles Osgood for a few seconds]

Norm: And uh but he's very disconnected. He ya' know he goes to parties at William Pailey's house.

Bill: You look a little like Osgood. There's a, you know? Run that picture back. Can you put it next to Norm's face? [They put the picture back up. It doesn’t look like Norm at all.] Yeah, I can- that's you in uh, eitght years. After you work for FOX, that's how you're gonna age. Okay? Believe me. I've been here seven years.

Norm: I don't look like that. I'm trying to look like that for sheer-

Bill: So you move to a small town in Wisconsin. Right?

Norm: Yes sir.

Bill: Okay so that's gonna be funny I'm gonna be uhh, amused by that?

Norm: I'm not gonna spin you. No, you're not gonna care for it at all.

Bill: [laughs] Alright now you hit it big and then you get the residuals and all of that. The “Simpsons” money comes rolling in. You don't hit it big you care?

Norm: Ummm, well first of all, uhhh, I believe the uhh- the actors in the “Simpsons”- I don't think Bart got one penny of that.

Bill: No- but the guy who did his voice did.

Norm: Oh oh oh oh. I’m sorry. Yeah, I get a lot of money after that.

Bill: Do you?

Norm: But, I'm not in it for the money.

Bill: What are you in it for?

Norm: The money. I am in it for the money.

Bill: Yeah, I know you are.

Norm: I was gonna spin... and then I-

Bill: Yeah, no, you can't. This is the “No Spin Zone”.

Norm: I know! I keep forgetting!

Bill: You can use that in Stan Hooper if you want?

Norm: The no spin?

Bill: Yeah, you can use that kind of stuff and I won’t demand any money for it.

Norm: Okay, cool.

Bill: Ummm, Saturday Night Live uhh, do you watch anymore?

Norm: Yes sir I do.

Bill: You do? Is it as good now when you were there?

Norm: No.

Bill: Because you're not there.

Norm: Basically, because I'm not there.

Bill: Right. But you do watch it?

Norm: Yeah-  I watch it. I love Saturday Night Live.

Bill: Because, I lost, kinda, contact with it. I think it's maybe a generational thing.
Norm: It is a generational thing. I'm- I’m 61 years ol- young. I say 61 years- I say 61 years experienced. And uhh- and when I watch the show and I don't even know what they're doing uhh parodies of cause they're doing parodies of like of MTV shows that-

Bill: Yeah, I mean, they're- they’re: Jewel. They're making fun of and I have no idea.

Norm: Yeah.

Bill: So I'm sitting here... Um, when you do this FOX show ummm, if it is successful, are you gonna change?

Norm: Am I gonna change?

Bill: Yeah. Are you gonna be the same guy you are now? The humble guy-

Norm: I'm gonna be the same dirty, son-of-a-bitch as I am now!

Bill: Right. Thank you this is live tonight. We appreciate that.

Norm: Well that's not- that's not swearing.

Bill: Oh no, of course not. No, that's just Fox.

Norm: I think that's the- That’s part of the-

Bill: That's Fox.

Norm: That's Fox!

Bill: We're gonna see that on Stan Hooper aren't we?

Norm: No we're not gonna use such language.

Bill: All right, Norm Macdonald good luck with the show...

Audio and transcription provided by Bob Barron. Many thanks to him for that.