OCTOBER 29, 2003 (ABC)
Barbra Walters: In his new TV sitcom, “A Minute with Stan Hooper”, Norm MacDonald plays a big city broadcaster in search of a small town life. So he moves with his wife to the middle of Wisconsin, only things aren't quite as different as he'd hoped. Take a look.
[Clip runs from “Stan Hooper” Pilot. Stan and Molly enter Pete and Lou’s diner for the first time.]
Stan Hooper (Norm MacDonald): Hey, uh, give us a couple of cups of Joe.
Pete Peterson (Daniel Roebuck): Two cappuccinos coming right up.
Stan Hooper: Uh, no, not cappuccino, uh, just- just Joe.
Pete Peterson: Latte?
Stan Hooper: Don't you guys have regular coffee?
Pete Peterson: Regular coffee? Hah! Where are you folks from?
Stan Hooper: We're from New York City.
Molly Hooper (Penelope Ann Miller): But we're going to make Waterford Falls our new home.
Pete Peterson: Oh, that's marvelous. Fallen on hard times, have ya’?
Stan Hooper: Fallen on hard times? No. I'm Stan Hooper!
[Clip ends. Back to “The View”]
Barbra Walters: [Quick laugh] Well, please welcome back Norm MacDonald!
[Norm enters audience cheers.]
Elizabeth Saab (Co-host trainee): How are you? How are you?
[Norm greets Barbra Walters and Joy Behar]
Joy: Hi Norman
[Norm then goes to Star Jones]
Norm: Hi Star. Hi Meredith.
Star Jones: How are you? And your name is-
[Norm approaches Meredith Viera and attempts to passionately kiss her. The crowd cheers. Meredith pushes him away.]
Joy: Adrian Brody here.
Barbra: Whoa, whoa. Just because we told you that she's a little tipsy at times doesn't-
Meredith: I am not!
Barbra: I am teasing, I am teasing. But you saw the whole thing about the Tyco, uh, big party. You had a 40th birthday party recently-
Norm: Yeah, Yeah!
Barbra: Did you have dancing girls and-?
Norm: Nah, no. It was just Dennis Kozlowski [CEO of Tyco] had a little thing. [Star and Meredith laugh]
Barbra: That's it?
Norm: Yeah, yeah.
Barbra: What was your party like?
Norm: I didn't have a party, man. I don't have parties.
Joy: You don't have parties?
Barbra: You don't have parties on your 40th birthday?
Joy: Well, we know you're too old for the young comedian circuit now. So...
Norm: That's right. I'm an old man.
Norm: And usually people have, uh- their- their, uh, mid life crisis around 40.
Joy: Are you having it?
Norm: No, I had mine when I was 25. [laughs]
Barbra: You're recovering a mid-life crisis.
Norm: Yeah, I'm going to die when I'm 50.
Joy: Oh, please.
Meredith: Why are you saying that?
Elizabeth: That's horrible.
Norm: That's what a lady said.
Meredith: That is bad.
Joy: Who said that?
Norm: A gypsy! [audience laughs]
Barbra: Okay, listen, the new show.
Joy: Stop dating gypsies!
Meredith: A gypsy told him that.
Barbra: Your new show just began and, you know, it may very well run until you're 50. [Norm gives a bit of an eye roll] So, no, I'm trying to help Norm! I'm trying to help! Okay, so you play a big city television commentator-
Barbra: -like some we know who moved to this small town-
Norm: Yes ma’am.
Barbra: -as we saw a little bit. What inspired you to do this? Because you’re not involved with it at all-
Norm: Well, I, uh- I uh- I based the character on, I- I- I based his voice on, uh, Douglass Edwards. You guys remember Douglass Edwards?
Meredith: Oh, sure.
Joy: The watch?
Norm: The watch?
Barbra: He was a commentator. He was a commentator. He was before your time!
Joy: Before my time?
Meredith: You're thinking of Cameron Swazye, I think.
Barbra: And he was 6 months old. So go ahead.
Norm: And, uh, Charles Osgood. You know Charles Osgood?
Meredith: Aww, Charlie Osgood's great.
Barbra: So you took real people?
Norm: Yeah, yeah. So I based it on a dude that lives in New York who talks about small town values and stuff.
Star: Yeah, yeah.
Norm: But meanwhile he's, uh, you know, doing ecstasy parties over at William Baily's house and stuff. [laughs] So, he doesn't really understand...
Barbra: I don't really understand. But what the hec?! You’re funny, you know?
Norm: He doesn't understand the small- so he decides to move to this small town to get in touch with his roots. Not his roots, but the roots he never had. He, uh- that's it.
Star: Okay, now, it premieres tonight Norm, am I correct?
Norm: Yes, ma'am.
Star: Okay, and, um, I was reading some of the reviews. You are getting great reviews, but some weird ones also. And we pulled this one over, a viewer from the Vancouver Sun said quote: "I don't like Norm MacDonald as a role, and I liked “A Minute with Stan Hooper.” That should tell you all you need to know right now." What- what is that supposed to mean?
Joy: And why is your father writing these things? [audience laughs and applauds]
Star: Do you listen to reviews or do you just go out and do your thing?
Norm: Uh, I- I- I don't read reviews but that one sounds pretty good. [audience laughs]
Joy: Yes, it does.
Norm: That's actually how I feel. I like the show, I don't like myself.
Elizabeth: Hey Norm, what do I hear about you and this stray dog?
Norm: Oh, Elizabeth. Well that's nice of you to say about Ronald Reagan, I thought he was the greatest President of the 20th century.
[Republicans of the audience applaud]
Elizabeth: Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
Barbra: Dog. Do you have something to say? About- She asked a question.
Norm: Oh, oh, you asked me about a dog?
Elizabeth: About the stray dog.
Barbra: Stray... Dog.
Elizabeth: But, thanks for the Ronald Reagan thing. I’m right there with ya’.
Norm: Oh, thanks. I found a stray dog, yeah, and it was kind of an entertaining antidote [laughs] if I may be so bold. But, um, I found a stray dog on the corner. Beautiful little dog, and, uh, he look- he looked up at me. He just sitting there and he looked all forlorn and, you know, with his big brown eyes. So, you know, I said "I've never done anything good in my life, I'm going to save this dog."
Norm: So I picked him up and I carried him home 15 blocks, you know, to my- to my apartment in Los Angeles. And then I got home and I- I looked at his collar and had like a little ID and, uh, it had his address, and the address was where I found him. [laughs and applauds] So, uh...
Star: So you stole this dog?
Norm: Basically. Basically I kidnapped the dog so then I took the dog back, you know, I was all, like, nervous. And I went back to the corner and there was this guy at the corner and he was like "Billy, Billy" I guess the dogs name is Billy. He's like "Billy, where are you Billy?" and he's all panicked. So I go "Hey man is this Billy?" and then he goes "Yeah, that's my dog." And I go "Yeah" and he goes "It's really funny, he never moves from this corner." [laughs] So he goes "Where'd you find him" and I go "He was way down there". [laughs] So I'm leaving and I hear the guy go "Bad Dog! Bad dog!"
Star: He got a spanking because of you.
Norm: Yeah, and the dogs like "That guy!"
Barbra: Well, that's just a taste of Norm MacDonald, who is very funny and slightly- slightly weird. But in the best possible and sweetest way.
Elizabeth: Hey, he likes Reagan.
Norm: Just because I like Reagan?
Barbra: No. Not at all! Not at all! That had nothing to do with it.
Norm: You know, there's a new book, there's a new book with Reagan's letters.
Barbra: Yes, and it's a wonderful book as a matter of fact. Yeah, anyway.
Joy: You're Canadian, what are you such a patriot all of a sudden?
Norm: I'm no longer going to be a Canadian, I'm going to, uh- uh, become an American because of Canada's, uh, just terrible, uh...
[People in the audience clap]
Joy: What? Spit it out. What? Terrible?
Norm: Well, Canada had a- a certain, uh- you know, they didn't help out in the unpleasantness.
[More clapping] [Please editor’s note below read below]
Joy: Oh, I see.
Star: Oh, well.
Barbra: Well, one of the things that Norm MacDonald does in his show, which he does have a minute and which he talks about things that are on his mind. You're wonderful and you're a wonderful guest.
Norm: You are.
Barbra: We love having you. Thank you for coming on today, and you're on tonight. It's called 'A Minute with Stan Hooper'. It premieres tonight so check you're local listings. We'll be right back.
Editor’s Note: Many people have expressed anger at Norm’s remarks on “The View” that day. But before you post on the forum, or any forum, and express your anger or announce a “boycott” of Norm, please consider that attacking celebrity figures and boycotting their shows for their personal comments only divides us further. If you feel so strongly against Norm’s remarks, I invite you to take that energy and devote it to a presidential campaign or special interest group that you do agree with. That way you can work to bring people together for your cause, instead of lashing out, and brining attention to your opposing cause.
Greatest thanks to David Smith for transcribing this appearance.