Archiver's Note:

I left in the Jay Mohr sports blooper bit because, of course, Norm comments with him. Watch for when Norm laughs at a sports play that's not a blooper. It's quite hilarious.

Added to site: June 5, 2001.

January 21st, 1994

Thank you, thanks, I'm Norm Macdonald and this is the fake news...

Singer Billy Joel survived the massive earthquake, which rocked Japan this week. The quake, which hit the sports city of Kobe, killed nearly 5,000 people and demolished hundreds of buildings. To repeat, do not panic, Billy Joel has survived the earthquake.

Here we see president Clinton, looking for something, anything, to hug besides his wife.

In an effort to feel smarter than somebody, Dan Quail this week spoke to 4000 Amway employees.

Jimmy Carter has written a collection of poetry, it includes his latest poem entitled 'Ode to a Country Full of Stupid Ungrateful Bastards.'

Here's an amazing story, twins born 95 days apart. Even more amazing, they where born into different mothers and they don't even look alike. Hard to believe.

Well, the NHL strike officially ended Thursday. After some adjustments to the schedule the regular season started last night, and the playoffs will start tomorrow.

A blind man felt Princess Diana's face last week and said, "She is the prettiest woman I have ever seen." He then picked up a toilet plunger and said, "Thank you for this royal scepter, I shall treasure it always"

According to the National Transportation Safety Bored, sleepy truckers are responsible for 1000 deaths a year. In second place, OJ Simpson at two deaths a year.

Well, OJ Simpson's lawyers stopped feuding this week, finally. The dream team F. Lee Bailey and Robert Shapiro were able to put aside their differences and express their admiration for each other after OJ threatened to cut their heads off.

The United/Paramount network's new show, Star Trek: Voyager, finished in first place Monday night with a 14.7 rating. For those of you didn't know, 1 rating point is equal to 950,000 nerds.

Officials in Disney World have ordered their ride 'The Extra-Terror-Esetrial' to be shut down until it can be made scarier. When the attraction reopens in two weeks, it will be exactly the same, but missing six bolts.

This week, a court banned gays from marching in Boston's St. Patrick's Day parade, but they will still allow them to be beaten up by drunken Irish guys.

I'm afraid to know what you're applauding at there. Oků

Norm: And now turning again to sports, it's time for Jay Mohr's wacky sports bloopers. Jay!

Jay: Thank you, thanks Norm, you know there's been a lot of nutty stuff goin' on in the sports world lately. So lets just get right to the videotape.

First in football, it's the AFC championship game between the Stealers and the Chargers. Here's a kickoff like you've never seen before. The Stealer's Charley Johnson takes the ball... and he throws it 70 yards back to the kicker's foot! That is crazy!

Alrighty, wooo, now to hockey, the season's only one night old but already we have an incredible blooper for you. Opening night at The Garden, Rangers verses Sabers, check out this action... whoaaaaaaaaaaaaa haha! They're scatting upside down everybody, somebody teach these guys about gravity!

Norm: Aw Jay about these bloopers, they're a-

Jay: Now hold on a minute Norm, you aint seen nothin' yet!

Ok, quickly now to basketball, Scotty Pippin tries to shoot, and wouldn't you know it, the ball freezes to the backboard. Hey Scotty, what'd you do, cover the ball in glue?

Norm: Ok Jay, that's enough.

Jay: Enough?! Come on Norm, you can never get enough of those wacky sports bloopers, they're priceless!

Norm: Now now Jay, these aren't bloopers, you just manipulated the video.

Jay: Aw you're talking crazy. Come on, check this one out.

It's from the US clay court championships and Jim Courier and Gordon Pripich have quite a rally going, yowww... look at those guys, they're flying, where's the fire? Somebody gave those guys super energy pills or something.

Norm: Hey Jay, uh... look I'm sorry, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Bloopers are real events that happened on the field. You're giving sports bloopers a bad name.

Jay: Aw, alright, fine Norm, if that's the way you want it. I think I've got a blooper that's more real. We go to basketball Seattle's Kenmil Gill goes up for a dunk and misses!

Norm: Ahh, hahahahaha... now that's funny.

Jay: Oh, that's not the blooper, keep watching Norm. Seattle gets the ball back, here they are, and... wouldn't you know it, Godzilla attacks the arena! Wow! Put a tent on that circus I've never seen anything like that! That's it Norm with the wacky world of sports.

Norm: Ok, thank you.

Los Angeles rams owner Georgia Foncear announced this week that her football team is moving to St. Louis. The good news for the Rams is, that changing cities, that the ticket sales will increase and more people will pack the stadium. The bad news for the Rams is, they will still suck.

Well, the Super Bowl is still a week away, but already the 49ers are leading 31 to nothing.

Finally Amy Fisher charged this week that while in prison, she was raped by a guard. The guard, one Joseph Buttafuko, has been reassigned to the prison auto body shop.

So apparently that's the one we're ending on ok that's it for now. Seya next week folks!

Transcribed by: staff member  casey
Material provided by: staff member  joeb.