February 11th, 1994

Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Hi, I am Norm MacDonald and this is the fake news...

Surgeon General nominee Dr. Henry Foster, who claims he performed 39 abortions, was facing charges that he once said he performed 700. When asked if he made the statement, Foster was adamant in his response saying, "If I told you 39 times I told you 700 times the answer is no."

Well, the Super Bowl might be over but the San Francisco 49er's just keep piling it on. They now lead the Chargers 8340 to 27. So they've comfortably covered the spread.

This week, the Disney company used Federal Express to ship an elephant cross country. Disney said it would have used regular mail, but the last time they tried it, the elephant fell behind a cabinet at the post office and was lost for three months.

It was revealed this week that defense lawyer Johnny Cochrane once abused his first wife. In his defense, Cochrane said, "Hey at least I didn't kill her like some people I know."

In his book O.J. Simpson says that he would have taken a bullet or stood in front of a train for Nicole. Man, I am going to tell ya, that is some bad luck, when the one guy who would have died for you ... kills you ... that's probably ... you don't get worse luck than that.

Tomorrow, Judge Lance Ito will take O.J. and the jury on a tour of the now famous crime scene. For the jury it will be their first look at the actual location. Of course, for O.J., it will be just a case of 'been there, done that'.

And there is a new 24 hour cable channel, it's called "The Golf Channel". It shows golf 24 hours a day, except for between 2:00 AM and 3:00 AM when it shows "The Byron Allen Show".

The game Monopoly turned 60 years-old this week. You know, things were so much simpler back then when people traveled around by hat or thimble, those were the ... those were the days yeah.

Last week, after more than a month of frigid darkness jubilant residents of Canada's artic set off fireworks, danced, and ate caribou in celebration of there first glimpse of sunlight. And as the sun briefly illuminated the sky they looked at each other and said, "Hey what the hell is this were eating? What is this caribou? ... I'm eating a hunk of caribou over here ... What the?" ... What is it.

Taco Bell this week introduced a new lite menu as well as a new slogan, "Half the fat, but still tastes like crap."

That's it goodnight.

Transcribed by: staff member  casey
Material provided by: staff member  joeb.